The word “risk” is defined as the possibility that something unpleasant or unwelcome will happen as a result of a particular action. But when we think about teens, taking risks is more complex.
Parents often think of risky behaviors for teens as underage drinking, using drugs, or early sexual involvement. Parents also need to remember that risk taking can be both negative and positive. Teens can learn and grow from taking risks. Much will depend on what risks a teen might take, as well as when and where.
Risk taking isn’t all bad
As noted, risk taking can be either positive or negative, or even both. Risk taking might have negative consequences, but it also might have healthy outcomes. In some cases, risk taking is more like exploration that's a normal and healthy part of growing up.
For example, exploration for teens might include:
- Participating in a new activity at school or in the community.
- Trying a new sport.
- Learning to play a musical instrument.
- Taking a leadership position in a youth organization.
- Getting to know someone new.
When this kind of risk taking occurs in a healthy, supervised, and supportive atmosphere, it can help teens build confidence. It can also help them learn to trust their own judgment and how to deal with disappointment and frustration. Exploration can also help teens learn how to:
- Interact with peers.
- Make decisions that fit their values and knowledge of what is right.
- Learn more about themselves.
In other words, healthy exploration gives teens the chance to experience risk in a positive, supportive setting. This can lead to positive outcomes, without long term and potentially dangerous consequences.
Parents may think some teens’ decisions are irrational or stupid. But teens don't think of it that way. Your teen might be considering different consequences than you would in the same situation, or she might be considering different values.
Let’s look at the example of having unprotected sex. Here's how you and your teen might look at this differently.
- Your teen might identify different consequences of the behavior. You think having unprotected sex might lead to pregnancy or a sexually transmitted infection (STI) . Your teen thinks not having sex might mean losing her boyfriend.
- Your teen may view the likelihood of a particular consequence differently. You are aware that unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy. Teens often feel very strongly that “It won’t happen to me.” When a teen has unprotected sex or knows of friends who are having unprotected sex and they don’t get pregnant, it just reinforces their beliefs that it won’t happen to me.
- Your teen may place a different value on potential consequences. Losing the boyfriend she is in love with seems like the worst thing in the world. You understand that teens can have strong and intense feelings and that teens typically move on from boyfriends and girlfriends pretty quickly.
We can't discuss risk taking without mentioning decision making. Teens use a decision-making process, but one that is different from adults. Teen decision-making will include:
- Weighing both the benefits and consequences of choices.
- Noticing that risky behaviors don't necessarily lead to negative consequences. They see this in their own experiences and those of their peers.
- Considering what their peers are saying or doing. Sometimes this might mean acting in a way they know isn’t right but gains them approval or acceptance from peers.
- Overestimating their ability to identify and avoid a potentially dangerous situation. Even when they weigh the pros and cons, they might think, “I won’t get caught the first time” or “Nothing bad will happen to me. It only happens to other people.”
You can teach your teenager to make good decisions on her own by giving her responsibility, information, and guidance. The first step is recognizing how people solve problems. You also need to remember that we all learn to solve problems better through practice and by making mistakes.
Here is one problem-solving process you might try:
- Identify the problem.
- Figure out the cause of the problem.
- Decide on your goal.
- Identify what resources you might use to reach your goal.
- Identify as many possible solutions as you can. List the pros and cons of each.
- Choose your best option and carry it out.
- Think about the outcome and revise your plan for the next time, if necessary.
For your teen, there's a trade-off between doing what he knows is right and being accepted by peers. Don't just think about the time your teen got drunk or dyed his hair blue. Think about the good things he's doing, and the bad things he's chosen not to do, too!
- Discuss what makes a reasonable risk. You and your teen may have different ideas of what is reasonable. Talk about what might happen if your teen decides to have a beer at a party.
- Ask your teen to consider the potential benefits and consequences of this behavior. Role-play different possibilities recognizing kids’ and parents’ views. For example, you may see no benefits to teenage sex. But your daughter desperately wants her boyfriend to say he loves her.
- Keep in mind that risk taking can be a positive thing. Reasonable risk taking in safe ways (like trying out for a new sports team, joining a club, or talking to someone at school that you like) can give your teenager confidence in his abilities. It can teach him to trust his own judgment. And it can help him face failure and frustration.
What parents can do
Parents are key in supporting teens as they explore new ideas, try something they are interested in, or connect with a different group of friends. As a parent of a teen, you need to:
- Be involved in your teen’s everyday life.
- Talk about core family values — share your own values with your teen and ask teens about theirs.
- Encourage your teen’s interests.
- Help your teen find opportunities to explore individual interests.
- Help your teen learn how to think through decisions.
- Model good decision-making skills.
- Help your teen think about how his or her decisions could affect not only themselves but others, in the short-term and long-term.
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2017). Monitoring the future.
Ponton, L. E. (1997). The romance of risk: Why teenagers do the things they do.
Steinberg, L. (2011). You and your adolescent: The essential guide for ages 10-25.
Strauch, B. (2003). The primal teen: What the new discoveries about the teenage brain tell us about our kids.
Walsh, D. (2004). Why do they act that way? A survival guide to the adolescent brain for you and your teen.
Related resources
KidsHealth.org — Where to go for information you can trust about teens that's free of "doctor speak." In English and Spanish.
ParentFurther: A search institute resource for families — An online resource to help families strengthen relationships through shared activities.
Reviewed in 2021